Making something change in your poem can give your poem extra zest. That is what these young poets have done.
Can you spot how the poems change or what changes inside the poem?
Emily surprised me with her story poem. I liked the way this story changed very much indeed and its juicy words. Congratulations! I am sending you a copy of my book, Flamingo Bendalingo.
Away in the jungle
A rattle snake wriggled across the floor,
A tiger paddled down the corridor,
The birds in the curtains began to sing, and…
Just as the tiger was about to spring,
The teacher stopped at my desk and said…
“Your work is very good but is demonstrating
Complete lack of…. IMAGINATION!”
By Emily S, Year 6, Room 7, Waterview Primary School
Gregory‘s poem changes in how the main character sees things! Phew. This poem builds great tension. Exciting! Great job!
The gun goes pop
My legs drop
The paint goes splat
Right in my back
I let out a shriek
From my beak
I pull a trigger
I hear a yelp
Right in the leg
She lets out a silent cry
I see her in my eye
Now she’s screaming at me!
I don’t know why
But then I realise
She is on my team!
She’s now after me!
So now I run
But I’m not fast enough
Because she’s mutinous
Then I hear a pop
My legs drop
Then I flop.
By Gregory L, Age12 Year 8, St Patrick’s Catholic School Taupo
And from Ewen, a shift from noise to quiet. But there are other shifts as well! Can you spot them? I love these delicious layers.
A rowdy racket,
in a hall,
a shrill scream,
smiles all round,
normality as its best.
Ewen W, aged 11, Year 7, Cobham Intermediate School, Christchurch
Joshua has written a poem that explores shadow and light. It is very atmospheric! All kinds of shifts and changes. Wonderful!
The Darkness is a cloak, hiding all the living things,
The Darkness is a shroud, the mist on the sea on cold mornings.
The Darkness is a raven, preying on those weak and fearful,
The Darkness will Reign, and the Fear shall rule.
The Darkness hides from the light,
Yet the light is concealed by the Darkness,
The Darkness rules the night, the light shall rule the day,
People hide in their houses, lights and candles shining,
Fire keeps the Darkness at bay, flames licking in the shadows,
The Darkness shall walk around the earth, hiding from the sun,stars, and moon,
The Darkness shall fade, to the morning cobalt gloom.
The Sun reaches its long arms to embrace the world,
The Sun speaks the name that which, the Darkness always fears.
Joshua L, 11 years old, Year 7, Remuera Intermediate.